Before the birth of a second baby, parents are usually nervous: whether the eldest child wants to play with the younger? Here are five tips from experienced parents who will help to arise friendship between brothers and sisters.
When several children grow in the family, parents have to wonder how to distribute their attention between them. How to make the children not be jealous of parents to each other? Recently, the book “Brothers and Sisters” was published in the publishing house “Exmo”. How to help your children live together “. Its authors – world -famous communication experts between parents and children Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish – give their readers several important recommendations.
1. “Revive” the newborn for the older child
Everyone knows that newborns are not the most funny comrades for games. All they can do is cry, eat and sleep. Boring! Try to interest the older baby with a new family member. For example, one mother entered the room of a three -year -old son with a baby and said: “Anton, Vanya asks if he can lie with you on the bed?»Anton smiled and said: yes, maybe. Then my mother turned to the baby: “Vanya, Anton says – yes! Let’s get under the blanket!”Mom also helped the elder see how much the youngest loves him and needs him:” If the baby was crying, I said: “Do not be afraid, Vanya, Anton nearby”. And we also try to attract the attention of the older child if the youngest does something funny. For example, if he begins to chew toys, I can say: “Oh, Vanya! Toys do not eat for breakfast!»Anton laughs and adds:“ Yes! You can’t eat toys, stupid!»As if our Vanya himself came up with a joke to make everyone laugh – fun with him.
2. Contact the children, as if they are one team
Try to avoid rivalry between children by all means, let them get used to counting on each other. “The brothers are ready to go to the playground?”, Or” Let’s arrange a bath to the sisters “, or” Brother and sister want to jump onto the bed?”In a person This option, the desire to find their own and belong to the group is laid down – this instinct can be used so that children feel like one cheerful team. Brothers (or sisters, brother and sister) against the world!
3. Do not hang the labels
Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish are categorically not advised to give the children “Roles” – “Our Little Artist”, “Musician”, “Athlete”. This also includes hooligan and victim. “If Lisa is pushing little Polina, I try not to call her bad, bully, and Pauline is weak and defenseless,” Mom Ksenia shares his experience. – I say: Lisa, it’s too much. You, sisters, should be more careful with each other. Lisa and fields, you are clear to you? Do you agree? Do not forget to protect each other “.
4. Highlight time for each child
“Before Yegor was born, I spent a lot of time and I together,” says the mother of four -year -old and eight -month -old sons Marina. – Every evening we went to the playground or rode a bicycle. After Yegor appeared, we began to do everything three. After some time, I noticed that Stepa had changed-“stuck” to me during the day, pulled time to infinity when I put him to sleep. Then I realized that the time before going to bed was a rare moment for him alone with me and he missed the “our” time. Therefore, we began to plan in advance – only for us two, when Yegor stayed at home with dad and vice versa. In the evenings on Sunday, her husband takes Step with him to a restaurant, takes him to school every morning. So every child gets his time alone with every parent. We plan our “dates” in advance and discuss them as the date approaches – from anticipation they seem even more special ”.
5. Do not ignore the older child, if the youngest is in the spotlight
“When Varya was a newborn, she slept for the most part, but now, having learned to walk and communicate, she attracts much more attention,” says Igor, the father of three -year -old Kolya and the one -year -old Varia. – strangers often come to us on a walk, addressing Var: “What a pretty, how nice!” – and completely ignoring Kolya. There is nothing wrong with this, the children do not need to be rushed around them 24 hours a day. But by Kolya, I see that he is offended when he is not noticed because of his sister-he begins to sing loudly to attract attention. Therefore, I try to immediately include it in the conversation. If someone asks: “How much to your girl?” – I reply:” Recently turned a year, and her older brother recently turned three “. Or if someone says: “How good she already walks”, I thank: “Thank you! The older brother helped her learn “. So Kolya does not feel that they forgot about him or that he is superfluous “.